Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Not in a good place
Ok, today I am on a low. I’m writing this blog as a form of catharsis, but I don’t know where I am going with it, it may well sound like a rant, or a large dose of self pity. It’s up to you if you carry on.
I have an ache in my heart that is encumbering in the extreme, and which I know will not go away, perhaps ever. But, I also know that I am at the start of a cleansing process which requires others to bestow grace on me the way our maker bestows it upon us. Please be strong, as I am trying to. You know who you are.
I hate hypocrisy. I hate false humility. I feel like I am surrounded by it, but perhaps it is me who is wrong? Perhaps broken promises, disloyalty, double standards, selfishness, denial, failure to admit guilt are the new standards that so called Christians live by when dealing with a subject which is their other God. (Their weakness, but what they put their hope in to be their strength.) Someone who can profess to love God, help others, desire the spirit is not immune in business to completely act in a lowly manner. Oh how I know it to my cost.
I have failings, I have deep failings, but I put it on record that I don’t give a stuff what car you drive, how big your house is, how much you earn. My failings can be pretty dramatic but they do not include the love of money, and its time some of you swallowed your pride and started to do what’s right! You to know who you are!!
I’m reading a little book which accompanies Andy Flanagan’s latest album ‘Drowning in the shallows.’ Each chapter is a vignette based around one of the songs on the album. He is fast becoming a bit of a hero, (no, not a man crush) but I love his desire to become ‘downwardly mobile’ How counter cultural is that? It’s not for everyone, but he’s a young man with a wife who have rejected the idols that this world has set up as paths to happiness. In his song ‘The reason’ is the line ‘…signing over your conscience to free market lies, this trickle tickle. Getting downwardly mobile opens your eyes to really living’
I’m in the mood to really live. That’s something certain people who lead selfish hypocritical lives will never experience. You know who you are.